Recruiters celebrate Supreme Court striking down college loan cancellation

STRIP MALLS IN BAD PARTS OF TOWN, U.S.A. — The sounds of champagne bottles popping echoed through recruitment centers over the weekend as recruiters celebrated the news that the Supreme Court blocked President Joe Biden’s attempts to cancel college loans.

“Man, what a huge relief it is for us, the nation’s military recruiters, to know that people who took on crippling predatory loans in search of making better lives through education for themselves and their offspring may still have to turn to us for relief,” said Army Master Sergeant Kim Babcock.

On a 6-3 vote along ideological lines, the Supreme Court ruled that the Executive Branch had no standing to cancel the debt of 40 million borrowers.

“The good news is that we now have a list of 40 million Americans who thought for a few years that they wouldn’t have these massive, interest-bearing debts to pay off. Jackpot!” shouted Air Force Tech Sergeant James Tchaikovsky.

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