Navy Seal under fire for lewd OnlyFins account

SAN DIEGO, Ca. — A Navy Seal (the “ar-ar” kind, not the “HOO-YAH” kind) is facing backlash due his salacious activity on a popular adult content website.

Navy MK-69, or “Spanky” as he is called by colleagues, was recently suspended from all object retrieval and mine hunting duties following the discovery of his extremely popular OnlyFins account.

“Spanky is an incredible team player and American patriot, willing to work alone or in groups of consenting adults,” said Lt. Cmdr Colleen O’Dunnigan, MK-69’s trainer at the Navy Marine Mammal Program. “Who cares if he traded fish for a few slutty pictures of him naked on a buoy?”

O’Dunnigan went on to advocate for the slightly overweight harbor seal.

“He’s a hero but we don’t pay him, or any of our heroes, what they are worth so he probably needs a little extra cash to get by,” she added while tearing up.

MK-69’s account on OnlyFins (which has more than one million paid subscribers) was discovered late last month by an unnamed senior leader who “accidentally stumbled across the photo while doing research”. It was not disclosed exactly which Google query yielded the evidence or just what “research” the obviously morally unnassailable leader was conducting in the first place.

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