Navy Football’s jerseys exclude SEALs in favor of The Silent Service

ANNAPOLIS, Md. – Breaking with a long tradition of ignoring hundreds of years of proud history of two of the military’s branches, the United States Naval Academy football team has elected to honor those who serve underwater in the submarine force - known in the Navy as ‘the Silent Service,’ or ‘not Navy SEALs’ -  with their uniforms in this year’s Army-Navy football game. 

In recent years, the long gridiron rivalry has seen the two academies evolve away from their traditional uniforms and opt for custom designs. Army’s team uniforms during that time have commemorated units that distinguished themselves in various conflicts, while Navy has focused on celebrating the marble floors in a building on campus, fighter jets and the aircraft carriers from whence they fly, and dead goats.

“Yes, we have nearly a quarter of a millennium of examples of inspiring valor, toughness, dedication, and sacrifice from two of the five branches of the military, and this year we decided to finally start honoring that. What better place to start than submarines - an element of our force that is clandestine, professional, and keeps a low profile,” said acting Naval Academy Superintendent Rear Admiral Fred Kacher, who added, “We were going to use the SEALs but…well, come on, you know the deal there.”

SEALs at book signings, podcast recordings, and “Alpha Dawg Range Days” across the country expressed dismay that Navy Football was passing up another opportunity to pay homage to their elite unit’s primary legacy: the many, many, many writings of past and present Navy SEALs.

Duffel Blog received a leaked image of a SEAL writing-inspired uniform prototype after the decision was made. Titles on the jersey include fan-favorites such as Silence is Deadly: How to Monetize the Privilege of Serving in America's Most-loved Legion of Warriors and It Isn’t a War Crime if No One Knows About It.

The decided-against SEAL-themed uniforms were to sport quill-and-trident insignia on the helmet and the term “Sheep Dog” in place of last names, as a nod to the fact that in Naval Special Warfare the team always comes first, unless there is money at stake. But the truly eye-catching element was going to be the sampling of hundreds of titles written by SEALs, stitched in small script across the front and back of the jersey, leaving room only for the number one in the middle.

“We hoped that not only the Army team, but all viewers, would feel overwhelmed by the volume of titles,” said Navy Football spokesman J.P. Jones. “It is time for the SEALs to finally get a little bit of recognition, and we hope that happens soon.”

The SEAL Writers Guild released a statement following the leak, saying, “as usual, SEALs and their achievements are relegated into the background, which is totally fine because we are super quiet and professional. Rather than grieve this injustice, we will continue to pour our feelings into the blank pages before us - damn few.”

The Army team designed uniforms that proudly mark 20 years since the 3rd Infantry Division led the invasion of Iraq, opting to highlight a problematic milestone in a war many people consider America’s single worst foreign policy blunder over the unit’s unambiguous accomplishments in the First and Second World Wars. Retired generals are rumored to be advocating for their book titles to be inscribed on the team’s jerseys.

Task Force Football Bat sends thoughts and prayers to the cadets and midshipmen who are probably already forming up for the march-on.