Government shutdown shuts down Government Task Force to End Government Shutdowns

US CAPITOL BUILDING, Washington, D.C. - Federal officials are at a loss for how to resume operations as the ongoing debate about federal government shutdown has shut down the Government Task Force to End Government Shutdowns.

With less than a month left before the nation is once again held hostage to Congress’s failure to pass an appropriations bill, the federal government may still shut down for the fourth time in ten years. But Congress claims sinister magic binds their hands and prevents them from signing a bill, or from “really doing anything productive at all, for that matter.”

“Unfortunately, the dark mysteries and secretive rites on how to avoid a government shutdown were known only to the members of the Task Force,” said Acting House Speaker Patrick McHenry, a man chosen by necromancy following a congressional rebellion against former Speaker Kevin McCarthy.

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