ChatGPT not allowed to learn MDMP, Majors remain relevant for now

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FORT EUSTIS, Va. — Recognizing a threat to their existence, Army Majors have successfully lobbied to stop generative AI like ChatGPT from learning and using the military decision-making process, or MDMP. ChatGPT has quickly become the most popular new tech in the world with users all over Europe, Africa, and one guy in North Korea. With its recent updates, this AI can understand millions of subjects and summarize complex issues all within seconds, just like IPPS-A. It is very familiar with the military’s many regulations and processes.

MDMP is a seven-step planning process built over years of trial and error, experience, and war. One will typically find it as the focus of professional military education for senior leaders. Army Majors focus on this skill and use it to plan exercises and real-world missions. MDMP could almost be said to be the whole reason the rank even exists. Lieutenant Colonels are the battalion commanders, Captains are the company commanders, Majors are, well…there. Being good at MDMP is not just their one skill, it can also be their entire personality.

“When my wife doesn’t know where to eat, I break out my whiteboard, markers, and template I was provided in ILE,” said Maj. Ryan Johnson, a thrice divorced, self-proclaimed family man. “Our mission: get good food. Our courses of action: Popeyes, Burger King, or Popeyes.”

Recognizing ChatGPT for the threat to field grade life as they know it, a consortium of Army Majors was able to use the 90 minutes of free time they get every third Sunday of the month to lobby their congressmen and women to keep MDMP out of the AI’s virtual hands. They were successful and now have another bullet for their OER.

“Look, until this AI tool is willing to work late hours and sleep in its own office, we will always be better,” claimed Maj. Johnson. “Plus, it’s not like it could earn a top block anyway…wait, this GPT thing can’t get a top block, can it?!”

Silicon Valley was quick to condemn the move. “Our AI tools could easily work through this MDMP and provide you with valuable solutions within seconds,” said Ricky Chung, a twenty-three-year-old executive from OpenAI. “Not only is the basic version of ChatGPT free, but the advanced version is only $20 a month, nearly four times less than what the average Maj. pays in child support.”

For now, the Army will have to survive without the advanced technology that literally every other organization on the planet is using, but industry insiders say as soon as McDonnell-Douglas develops a more expensive and wildly less capable version acquisition programs will commence.

CodeRed is a weekend warrior who is only skilled in quoting Star Wars and giving extremely accurate political advice.