BREAKING: Humble F-35 pilot hasn’t told anyone what he flies for over 2 hours

LUKE AFB, Az. – At a weekly meeting of Fighter Attack Pilots Anonymous (FAPA), F-35 pilot Captain Michael Carson earned his two-hour chip by not referring to himself as a fighter or attack pilot for over two hours. Carson’s previous record was forty-seven minutes, a bar set while he was in upgrade training prior to being certified to fly the fifth-generation fighter. His two-hour streak ended when he reminded an Apache pilot sitting next to him that the B-model of the F-35 can land vertically, “Just like a helicopter, bro-ham”.

FAPA’s influence in the attack pilot community has increased over recent years due to a growing addiction amongst fighter and attack pilots to mentioning their career choice in unrelated, passing conversations. The organization’s website touts itself as “the premier twelve-step program to get your pilot out of the pubs and into the conversation.” Throughout the meeting, thirty-minute, one-hour, and two-hour chips were awarded to those that had not talked about their major weapon system for those time spans.

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