Army Football Player Has No Idea He'll Eventually Be Relieved From Command

WEST POINT, New York - A West Point cadet and football player on the Black Knights football team, currently prepping for today’s annual Army vs. Navy game, is blissfully unaware that he will be eventually relieved from command for the same behaviors currently ignored as a result of his playmaking abilities.

The player is currently seen as a hero and program leader on the gridiron. However, his future as a commander will be marred by a stunning array of blunders and missteps, ranging from casual racism to overlooked sexual harassment policies within his command.

Some West Point staff members are already unsurprised and preparing to offer future platitudes about the foreseeability of at all as a means of establishing their innocence and distancing themselves from what is almost certain catastrophe.

"The kid's a legend on the field but he’s got Fort Cavazos level of catastrophe written all over him," shared a senior instructor, who requested anonymity. “He’s a walking liability at best.”

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