Air Force dining facility receives Michelin Star

GREAT FALLS, MT — The Elkhorn Dining Facility (DFAC) at Malmstrom Air Force Base has been awarded a Michelin star, according to a representative from the famed French dining guide. Even a single Michelin star—the highest rating is three stars—is considered a coup de foie gras in gustatory circles.

“Because of its devotion to top quality ingredients and dishes with distinct flavors, prepared consistently over time, the star is deserved,” announced Hercule Laurent from the guide’s headquarters in Clermont-Ferrand, France.

While Air Force “chow halls” have been famous for their excellent quality—plus having workers bus tables—none had received international recognition until now.

“A few years ago, after the San Antonio truffles and wagyu tragedy, the Air Force implemented ‘Food 2.0,’ an initiative to offer healthy and more sophisticated food under even better conditions than previously,” said Lt. Col. David Nom-de-Plume, Malmstrom’s deputy base commander. “When we implemented 2.0, we then thought, why not 2.5 or even ‘three fitty?’ After that, it was easy.”

Nom-de-Plume is a French immigrant who began cooking at age 13 in the “brigade” system in Lyon before joining the culinary-centric U.S. military branch. He oversaw the transformation of the Elkhorn dining hall from its goal of delivering quality—if routine—food into a world-class restaurant that has received reservation requests from Airmen all over the world.

“We’re booked over a year in advance,” said Nom-de-Plume. “There are bidding wars on the Internet for a seat from as far away as Yokota, Molesworth, and the Defense Attaché office in Paris.”

“We had to turn down a booking from someone at Ft. Hood because we didn’t know if the person was in the Air Force or if they’d be killed before they got here. That General Amos is still trying to get in, too.”

“Ha!”

Along with the acclaim afforded to Elkhorn has come a downside. Enlisted cooks have been headhunted by chefs at restaurants such as Geranium (Copenhagen), The French Laundry (California), and the roller hotdog stand vendor at that one shopette at Fort Cavazos.

On the other hand, recognition has led to further upgrades at the Elkhorn.

“We got funding to install floor-to-ceiling silver-and-blue drapes, as well as a two-inch thick, hand-woven carpet that features scenes from Air Force missile history,” said a beaming Nom-de-Plume. “And we’ve been able to hire French waiters from the finest hotel management courses in Europe, which helps keep out the riffraff, like those Marines who tried to sneak in here under a cardboard box. Sorry, Marines, but your A.I.-defeating skills won’t beat our snooty, eagle-eyed old-school staff.”

Other military DFACs are working hard to keep up—and usually failing. Several have won regional awards, such as the German “Stomach Twister” plate presented at Vilseck last year for poor sanitation, and the Italian “Bidet Blaster” award for Camp Darby’s Taco Tuesday Explosion (which took down the camp’s plumbing system for hours although everyone agreed it was worth it).

“We anticipate that the Forces Aériennes Américaines will someday rate its own book in the Michelin guide series,” said Laurent. “But for now, it’s just Malmstrom.”

He added, “There is only one piece of advice I can give at this point. With this award, that acronym—how do you say it?—'Dee-Fack’ has to go. I suggest the name ‘Le lieu de repos de l'élan surchargé.’ The Resting Place of the Overstuffed Elk.”

Lieutenant Dan used to lead a group of company-grade Air Force officers who had all the solutions to all the world’s problems. Now retired, he rescues dogs and sings them to sleep with Air Force classics like “Trust the System” and “Don’t Fall Out of Formation.”